Change is the only constant

This piece was read at the Erotic Literary Salon in October 2014 in Philadelphia.

 

Change is the only constant
Jennifer
October 21, 2014

Backstory: In April of last year I came out here as transgender, only two weeks after realizing it myself. This story continues to overshare the very rapid changes in my life as a result of this surprising revelation.

My greatest challenge now is being seen as halfway between male and female. I finally braved asking the gym at school what their policy was on transgender members. They had handled this issue once or twice before, and told me it was fine to use whichever facilities with which I was most comfortable. I soon got a locker in the ladies’ locker room and used it the first time, what I thought was without incident. Shortly after leaving the gym, I was approached by two very large uniformed campus police officers. They said they had received reports of “a man using the women’s bathroom.”
I promptly corrected them that I was just using MY locker. They asked my legal sex (which was in complete violation of school policy), took down a huge amount of personal information, and repeatedly told me that 1) I had done nothing wrong, but
2) I wasn’t supposed to use that facility for the rest of the day. I was mystified by this advice, but wasn’t planning to return to the gym that day anyway. Fortunately I never heard back from the police, and have had no locker room difficulties since then.

I must confess to sometimes using the gender of convenience™ for bathroom facilities. I’ll use the ladies’ restroom if there’s no line, but switch to the men’s room if there is. There have to be SOME benefits to my status!

I’ve been on female hormones for nearly a year now, and it’ll take another year for my boobs to finish coming in. I’m starting to feel them bounce when walking down stairs or driving on a bumpy road, which at this point is delightfully new. I asked to my date to try a boob-level 69, and found that a wonderful new flavor of foreplay.

My male sense of intercourse is almost gone, since erections are very rare with nearly zero testosterone in your system, but now there’s no wondering if or when we’re going to have intercourse, and no danger of someone rolling over and going to sleep after they came. In short, I’m free to enjoy lesbian sex! A traditional 69 is awkward since it’s hard to split attention between giving and receiving; so we take turns pleasing each other with fingers and hands and tongues for hours, stopping only for cuddle breaks, when exhausted, or in dire need of food. Of course, I understand that in order to get certified as a lesbian, I have to attend at least one Indigo Girls concert.

My office has been completely cool with my coming out. Now I wear skirts and dresses to work on an almost daily basis, and get knowing smiles from many of the staff ladies. I don’t think the men know what to make of me … they seem mostly confused.

I’m on women’s teams for soccer and dragon boat racing. It still feels odd to be on a team referred to collectively as ‘ladies,’ but the more I embrace my feminine identity the happier I become. I recently even switched my Facebook identity to Jennifer.

All of this makes being legally still-a-man puts me in an awkward position when my identity is becoming solely female. As a result I’ve made plans to complete my transition in December. I have scheduled gender confirmation surgery with a local plastic surgeon. While I’m scared of surgery on such a delicate and vital area, I’m also completely comfortable with my decision to do so. I’ll have the holiday break to begin to recover from surgery, and in January I’ll start the formal name change process.

This means that by the end of 2015 the transition from Glenn to Jennifer will be physically and legally complete, and I can spend the rest of my days living and loving
as a woman.

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New levels of open

This piece was read at the Erotic Literary Salon on September 16, 2014.

New levels of open
Jennifer
September 16, 2014

 Backstory: In April of last year I came out here as transgender, only two weeks after realizing it myself. This story continues to overshare the very rapid changes in my life as a result of this surprising revelation.

My coming out arose from work with Monica Day and Michelle Younger to set aside the masks I was hiding behind. To find the strength to actually be myself instead of the person I imagined I was supposed to be. I’ve been more-than-a-little surprised at the results. I used to consider myself almost painfully normal, if somewhat geeky. At the moment I identify as a transsexual lesbian. I was assured that expressing my genuine self would help lead to healthy relationships, that some people would see the real me and be drawn to it.

I was dubious.

I’m thrilled to report, it’s true.

Last Spring I went to the Mazzoni Center Gala for the first time, since they’ve been guiding my transition. I chatted with a young lady I knew from Women’s Way a few years ago. And our conversation kept going deeper than the casual “oh hi, what are you doing now, how’s life?” kind of thing, so I made sure to get her contact information. We soon went to a couple of shows together, very platonic, but clearly having a good time. Finally the third time we were going to go out, she broke the ice and asked “So is this a date?” I smiled, since we had both dodged the pink elephant in the room up to that point. So after a little dancing around each other, because we were both terrified of rejection, I finally summoned the courage to ask her out. She said yes.

It was a little awkward, since she’s obviously a dedicated feminist and so am I, so we had to be extra careful that we weren’t oppressing each other.

Not long after we started dating, we made an important discovery. We’re both easy. (Yessss!) We’ve been going out frequently ever since.

I got to use my favorite line of all time. We were getting intimate for the first time, slowly peeling away layers of clothing from each other between frantic kisses, and I warned her “I have to ask you a very important question.” She visibly tensed up, stopped breathing for a minute, clearly terrified what I was going to ask, and said “what is it?” I paused, mostly for dramatic effect because I had waited literally years to use this line, and asked “Is there any place you DON’T want me to kiss you?” She melted into a puddle of relief, whispered “No,” and started kissing me even harder.

We both have a penchant for terribly inappropriate pillow talk. After one of our first times making love, during the quiet cuddly afterglow, she finally had to say “Really, this is NOT part of the interview process for Women’s Way volunteers.”

As a lover she has been open with asking questions about what I want, and actively asking for things that please her. Questions that seemed really obvious to ask, but I went through several relationships without ever being that clear and open about what I want or hope or expect.

She doesn’t have a problem with my transition, in fact has been quite supportive. She’s been in relationships with men and women, so my plumbing isn’t an issue. But I couldn’t help wondering how it is from her point of view to be dating a trans woman, so finally after a few dates I had to ask. We were in a romantic Asian restaurant, and she had just mentioned past relationships, so I finally posed the question that had been nagging me for a while. I asked “So at the moment, are you gay or straight?” She smiled, looked down coyly, and replied “I’ll get back to you.”