Letter to Jennifer
Backstory: This is a love letter that was inspired after working with Monica Day and Michele Younger over the last two months. Most of the pronouns in this piece are wrong. English is quite inadequate sometimes.
Thank you for being patient with me. It’s taken a long time to acknowledge you. Welcome. In perfect hindsight, the clues were building for a long time. Finding girls’ hair accessories on the ground as a boy, and examining them like an archeologist trying to decipher a long lost civilization. Mom always hid in the bathroom to do her hair and makeup, so those female mysteries remained … just that. The home ec class I really wanted to take in junior high as my very first elective, but couldn’t because boys don’t take things like that. My pickup truck had your name, and I hopped in and greeted her out loud so many times. Was that the seed of recognizing you? The curiosity to buy a pair of pantyhose by mail order shortly after leaving home, but soon gave in to the forbidden nature of such a thing and threw them away. Shopping in recent years for ‘unisex’ clothes from American Apparel, and yet not knowing why. These were hints that I was missing something.
I was missing you.
As someone wise said, it doesn’t have to be difficult now, it doesn’t have to be painful. That’s over. Gone. Let those memories be a movie you can watch safely and calmly. They can’t hurt you now. Now is the time for joy! Now is the time for celebration of life and your body and all dimensions of your Self. You have earned this gift, this rebirth, so take it and run.
You can’t have a pussy or give birth, and I suspect a fake pussy is about as satisfying as a fake orgasm. But that won’t stop us from exploring other ways to be receptive and savor all aspects of us. We can make a time and place to explore being receptive in enthusiastic and loving ways. Ok, how about many times and places?!
It’s okay to be truly masculine too, as we discovered driving home last week. We can be strong and confident, assertive, and peacefully in control. Power without oppression. We claim that aspect too.
I feel like you’re both very grown up and an innocent little girl. I delight in getting to know each other, and celebrate this new connection. A new awakening.
Your clothes feel so much more expressive and alive and downright SEXY! Delicate fabric fluttering against my calves is so delicious I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t enjoy it. A suit feels like a cage to me, but an Eileen Fisher skirt is simply delicious! I know we often have to conform to society’s bullshit, but at least we can find more ways to let you come out and play.
For now we can be whole, and that will ease stress, produce calm, and confidence, and open doors for new friendships and new intimacies. Only when we embody our genuine authentic selves can be connect with others who appreciate and love us for exactly who we are, not who we pretend to be. Put aside the masks, lower the shields, be ready to accept more possibilities and more love than you ever imagined.
And no more ‘me’ and ‘you’ crap. We are one.
Hello! I am Glenn, and I am Jennifer.