A letter to yourself 20 years ago
Thank gods we finally got time travel to work! You’re … I mean we’re … whatever … you’re on a great track, I want to help steer you to even better possibilities.
You’re turning 30, and you think that means you need to start being responsible and settle down. That’s a great idea, IF you wait for the right lady to do it with. Set your standards higher than you think you deserve! Yes, you might have to wait longer to find the right partner, but it will be far better than settling for ‘good enough.’ Trust me!
Your mind has been a great tool to get you where you are. And yes, it will continue to be a wonderful asset, and make it possible for you to be superficially successful and not starve to death in a gutter somewhere. That’s great, that’s awesome, and you should be rightfully be proud of developing that gift.
I want you to focus more attention on areas you’ve ignored – your body and other people.
I know it’s hard to focus on your body. Thirty inches of scars have left their mark in many ways. You did what you had to in the moment to survive that, and that’s a critical first step. Now, as you discover massage therapy and other kinds of bodywork, keep exploring ways to wake up your body. It’s okay. It’s safe now, you don’t have to hold onto the ideas of the past.
Try to imagine: if you didn’t see yourself as a cripple, what worlds would that open up? What would you do? Be patient, and don’t give up. You’ve had three decades to set up patterns of movement, they won’t change overnight. But they can change in ways you literally never imagined possible.
But don’t leave it at that level. Explore your body. Literally! Play with every inch of you, stay in the moment, and see how it feels. What does it like? Soft or sharp? Gentle or firm? Is it happy or grumpy or horny or just starved for attention? Honor the parts that are still scared, they are trapped in the past. They will come around when they’re ready. Meanwhile, make a private orgy if you can’t find a better offer. Throw down some old sheets and use way too much massage oil! And yes, explore all the naughty bits too. It’s your body, you have every right to enjoy every aspect of it. You know in your head it’s all good and sacred, it’s just hard to override all those years of programming.
Challenge yourself to play with new possibilities. Sports? You really liked tennis and swimming, maybe those can become public ways to explore how your newly rediscovered body responds and what it can do.
Armed with this new knowledge of your Self, take the next step and brave going out into the world. Yes, I want you to be social. No, I’m not crazy! I know you’re a hermit by habit, but you crave more connection to others, even if you aren’t really sure how to get there. Ok, maybe you spent too much time in books instead of going to prom or flirting with the cute flute player down the street. So your greatest challenge might be overcoming your own fears and getting out of the house. Sure, you don’t understand people and social interaction. Physics and math are a heck of a lot more straightforward. Yes, you’ll get shot down a lot. It’s ok, you’re not the Red Baron. But remember after the awkward initial stages, the sheer joy of a simple happy fuck. Feeling her pulse pound from inside her. Savoring the blend of pheromones under the bottom edge of her breasts. Watching her back arch as the wave overtakes her. Kissing her sweaty brow while you’re both still out of breath.
I dare you to keep pushing for more than you think you’re allowed to ask for. Keep working your mind, explore your body, and venture out into the world. All you have to lose is your limitations.